Distant
by Dragon-Rider12
Summary: After returning from another long clash with Israphel, Xephos grows distant from his friends, especially Lomadia. No one is sure whether to let him keep to himself or intervene. Can a single conversation on a balcony fix the growing rift between Xephos and Lomadia, or will it only make things worse? Xephmadia oneshot. Rated T for PTSD, mentions of gore, and very strong language.


He wasn't quite the same after he returned.

I suppose it all started the day we first received that Notchdamn letter in the first place. Mr. Owl had flown in through the open window with the waxed-sealed envelope clamped in his beak. I was quite astonished actually; who the hell sends letters around here? Surely not anyone like Lalna or Sjin. Xephos and I were talking in the living room when Mr. Owl perched on my shoulder and presented the letter to me. It was for both Xephos and Honeydew, judging by the cursive writing of their names on the envelope itself. How the in the world my owl managed to get a hold of it all the way out on Owl Island when there was no exact address still remains a mystery to me. I handed it to Xeph in hopes he could make any sense of it, and judging by the look on his face, he knew what was going on the moment he read the first sentence. I barely had time to ask him what was going on before he shoved the note into his pocket, grabbed his coat, kissed me on the cheek and sped out the door to go find Honeydew. He came back to Owl Island the next day to tell me that he would be leaving for a few months.

Now I was a bit pissed off at the fact that I still had no idea what the hell was going on right about then, but we sat down and talked things over that night. He told me what the letter said. The fate of the world was hanging in the balance once again. The letter was from a man by the name of Peculier, with other mentions of people named Lysander and Daisy. The names rang a bell, but I knew very little about them. They were all close associates to the two heroes, that was obvious, but all I ever heard of them was from Xephos' recollections of his many adventures around the world. Anyway, Peculier said that Israphel had returned and that the Templars needed help in stopping him again. Israphel. Now_ that _was a man who did not need an introduction. I offered to go with him - hell, why not bring the whole gang along? - but he told me it was too risky. Xephos assured me that he and Honeydew would be bringing some of their new weapons along, hoping the technical advancements since the last clash would tip the scale in their favor. I wasn't really mad anymore, but I did tell him he was bloody crazy for going out and risking his neck again. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk him out of it, though. Xephos wasn't the type of man to sit idly by when the world's about to blow up.

They set off early the next morning. A lot of our friends were there to send the two off, and by that I mean practically everyone. Hell, even Ridgedog had found the time in his busy schedule of trolling people to say goodbye. I told Xeph to be careful, and he gave a little laugh and told me he'd make it back just fine. Then he gave me a kiss and rode off with Honeydew over the horizon on their respective horses. No one heard from them for the next four months.

Of course, being both Xeph's girlfriend and a buddy of Honeydew's, I was beyond worried sick. Almost every day I sent Mr. Owl around to the others to collect any info on how the two were fairing out in who-knows-where. Lalna kept telling me that the two would be fine. If they had done it once, they could definitely do it again, _especially _with the new gadgets the three of them had come up with in recent years. Eventually I began to relax a bit, going on with life as normal for the time being. I mostly kept to my owls, but I still hung out with Kim and Nilesy whenever the opportunity came about. Then came the message from Honeydew at the start of the fifth month. He said that Israphel had been put in his place once again and that he and Xephos would be home in about a week. Naturally, we were all thrilled. The bunch of us all got together to throw a little Welcome Home Party at Baked Bean Fort to congratulate the two on saving the world a second time around.

It was sometime around sunset when the two finally made it back. Both were a little worse for ware, but at least neither of them had lost a limb or some other bullshit. Honeydew was as jolly as ever and immediately started a drinking contest with Lalna, Sjin and Ravs upon realizing there was alcohol present. Kim kept telling them that it was a terrible idea, but that didn't keep them all from getting snockered less than ten minutes after the party even started. With everyone's spirits high, it appeared that everything was finally getting back to normal around here.

But then there was Xephos.

Like I said before, he wasn't the same when he arrived that night. It was everything about him, his confidence, his posture, whatever you think of. It just felt off. Stilted, even. When little clueless me ran up to give him a hug, he was caught totally by surprise, and it took him a moment just to process that he should probably hug me back. He still managed a smile and pulled me into a quick, grateful kiss after that, but I could tell something was obviously wrong. As the night went on, Xephos remained unusually withdrawn. He seemed distracted during conversation, kept refilling his glass with whatever booze he could get his hands on, and eventually he left and went up to the launch area atop the fort, claiming he wanted some time to himself.

I managed to pull Honeydew aside to ask him what the fuck was wrong with my boyfriend. It was quite clear most the others had taken a notice to Xephos' behavior, sans those who were about to pass out in the trash bin (Lalna, Sjin and Ravs were a prime example). By some miracle the dwarf was still awake and had mostly sobered up, so at least he took the discussion seriously.

"Look, Lom, we saw some pretty fucked up shit this time around." He had told me rather matter-of-factly. He then went on to list off a few examples: People burning alive, a Templar getting its skull smashed open against a concrete wall, vivid hallucinations caused by Israphel's black magic, et cetera. Hell, he even said that Xephos had to watch his own horse get overpowered and eaten alive by a horde of undead, and I swear he loved that thing more than he does _me_. Honeydew had shaken his head at the grim sights he had just described before taking another swig of liquor.

"I've noticed it too, Lom. You're not the only one. I think all the chaos is catching up with him, if you know what I mean. Us dwarves are used to it, but Xeph...well, you know Xeph. I'm sure once he gets back into a routine here, he'll be fine. Trust me."

"Trust me," he says. Famous last words, if anything. It's been about a month since the Welcome Home Party, and Xephos is still as distant as he first was. Routine hasn't been helping him at all; in fact, I think it's even started to make things worse. Lalna's mentioned to me passive-aggressively that Xephos has lost most interest in getting to mars, preferring to lock himself in Baked Bean Fort's library for hours on end instead of helping out with the rocket. Xeph himself told me that he's stopped heading over to help Sjin with his new farm altogether, simply saying he "doesn't feel like it" anymore. The only thing he still does habitually is come to visit me whenever he's off work, and with Sjin out of the picture for now, his visits have increased in frequency. I'm not complaining about his company, mind you, but _clearly_ the man isn't well. It doesn't take a licensed psychologist to know that waking up in tears at two in the morning is not healthy.

And all that brings us up to present day. Xephos is currently outside on the balcony. He's been out there for _four fucking hours_ with all those dreadful thoughts of his. If he doesn't get his ass inside soon, he'll catch himself a deadly chill, I just know it. But try as I might to snap him out of it, Xephos is too damn distracted to give a shit about freezing to death. Now here I am standing at the open doorway to the balcony again, staring at his back as he gazes out over the snowy treetops of Owl Island. This winter was an odd one with the snow covering _everywhere _except Sjin's farm this year, even places it wouldn't normally be bothered to show up in. Owl Island was one of these places. I see Mr. Owl look at me out of the corner of my eye and give a hoot of encouragement before he glides off my shoulder and flaps over to his perch by the lit fireplace. I was sure as hell going to need his encouragement, that was certain.

I walk up to Xephos and lean on the railing beside him, deciding not to confront him straight away. At first we don't say anything, and all I hear is the wind blowing past us. With my treehouse so high up, you can see almost all of the owl sanctuary from the balcony, and it was quite odd seeing a tropical island draped mostly in white snow. As the cloudy sky began to grow dark overhead, I heard a few of the visiting owls start hooting somewhere below us. Suddenly I shiver and rub my arms with my hands to generate some heat. Damn it, I'd been out there less than a minute and I was already getting goosebumps. I shoot a glance at Xephos beside me and see the same old expression that he's been wearing 24/7 lately. His bright blue eyes used to be my favorite thing about him, but now they look all dull and glassy. They don't suit him at all, and neither does that chronic frown of his nowadays. It's all rather depressing if you ask me.

I scoot a bit closer to him and place a hand over one of his, and it was the fucking coldest thing I've ever had the displeasure of coming into contact with in my entire life. That seemed to finally get Xephos' attention, because he had now taken his eyes away from the foggy horizon in the distance to look at me instead. Then he glances downwards sheepishly all of a sudden, reaching up and stroking the back of my hand with a subzero thumb, appreciating the act of kindness. We stand there in silence for another minute or two, and I feel some warmth finally start to return to his hand. Then I decide to start doing what I came out here to do.

"Ready to go inside yet?"

"No. Not yet."

"Why not? You can't stand out here all night, Xeph! You'll catch hypothermia or something."

"I know, just not yet."

"By then you'll be in the hospital, mind you."

He chuckles, but it's an empty chuckle. The kind you hear when someone's trying to humor someone else when they tell a bad joke. I give an annoyed huff before we both face the horizon again, shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand. All of a sudden I open my big fat mouth again.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask for what felt like the millionth time. It was Xephos' turn to give a frustrated exhale out through his nose.

"Lomadia, not now. Please."

"But-"

_"Not now._"

"Then when, Xeph?! When the hell are you going to stop acting like a selfish brat and open up to someone?!" I suddenly found myself shouting near the top of my lungs. The owl chirps below us went silent, and I could practically envision Mr. Owl shaking his head at me as he overheard from the other room. Xephos' eyes narrow as he shoots me a look, but I don't let that stop me. He had just pissed me off beyond belief.

"Ever since you've gotten back you've been wallowing in your own self-pity, and I can't fucking take it anymore! Either man up or do something about it, because Notch knows we're all tired of it! Don't you think we want to see you happy again, Xeph? Ever think fucking _talking _to someone can help instead of just bottling up all your emotions until you're completely numb?!"

"Lomadia, calm down, I-"

"Calm down? _CALM FUCKING DOWN?! _I've_ been _calm the whole time, Xephos! Don't you dare give me that 'calm down' bullshit. Holy fucking shit, Xephos, clean up your motherfucking act already! Take meds, talk to someone, anything!" By now I was about ready to break down crying. I wipe away a few angry tears and keep on shouting at the man in front of me, hoping to finally break through that thick skull of his for once. "How do you think _I_ feel having to see you like this all the time, or Honeydew, or everyone else you're close to around here?! I care, we all care! I'm your girlfriend for Notch's sake, or did you fucking forget that?! Do you not care about us anymore, about me? I try every Notchdamn day and-"

All of a sudden Xephos pulls me into a kiss, and quite honestly I'm taken entirely by surprise. My eyes are wide open in shock from start to finish, and I'm not sure whether to punch him in the stomach or kiss him back. Before I can decide, however, Xephos pulls away and grips me firmly by the shoulders, making sure I look him in the eye.

"Don't you ever, _ever _think even just for a _second_ that I've stopped caring about you." He says sternly. I knew by the look he gave me that he was being one hundred percent serious. Then the man pulls me into a tight embrace, silence sprouting up between us again. Once more I find myself dumbstruck, unable to find the proper words to reply. Xephos still has his arms around me protectively, giving me a sense of comfort that I forgot they could even provide. Finally, I manage to get out an awkward response.

"Xeph, I-I'm sorry, I was just angry and I-"

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You don't need to apologize." Xephos broke in. He loosens his hold on me so we could look each other eye to eye. I can tell that he's more relaxed than before, finally letting his wall down for the first time since he's been back. And let me tell you, it was a huge fucking relief. We stand there awkwardly for the next few seconds, neither of us sure how to segue out of this and onto another topic.

"...I'm sorry about Atreyu." I try after a moment. Xephos just raises a brow at me.

"How'd you know about that?"

"Honeydew told me. I'm sorry. I know you loved that horse." I tell him. He manages a grin and plants a kiss on my forehead.

"He was a good horse, but I can never love anything more than I do you." He told me. His fleeting smile is quickly replaced with another of his frowns for a moment. "I'm so sorry I made you forget that for a while. You're right; I've been a major jackass lately, haven't I?"

"Yep. _Major_ jackass." I reply with a joking smirk. His smile returns and we both share a laugh briefly. I manage to hear some of the owls beginning to call to one another somewhere under our feet for a second time. With the tension between us subsided, the sanctuary could go back to normal. When I see Xephos start to slip back into that distracted state of his again, I ask the same question I've been asking all day.

"Ready to go inside? We can talk about it, if you want."

"Hmm? Oh, sure. Guess it's time I open up a bit, isn't it?"

With that we head back into the living room, making sure to close the door to the balcony behind us as we did. Mr. Owl greets us with a cheerful hoot and a flutter of his wings, no doubt happy that his two favorite humans were on good terms again. I replenish the wood fueling the fire in the fireplace before Xeph and I settle down with a blanket on the couch. I play therapist for him for about the next hour or so, and despite the fact that I was far from a professional, I think we could both tell that he was already much more relaxed than he had been for all of the last month. Eventually, we're both ready to drop asleep by the time the fire had reduced itself to mere embers. Mr. Owl had fallen asleep himself, having long since adopted a daytime active cycle in order to help me around the sanctuary. Too lazy to walk to the bedroom, we decide to simply share the couch tonight.

"Promise me you'll get a good night's sleep tonight?" I ask him as he pulls up the blanket over us. I give a yawn and quickly add: "Waking up at three and drowning yourself in coffee can't be good for you."

In response, Xephos pecks another quick kiss onto my forehead before he wraps his arms around me protectively again.

"No promises, but I'll try my best."

"Alright." I can't help but yawn again, letting my eyelids slip closed. "If you say, dear."

"...Hey, Lom?"

"Mmhm?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Xephos. Goodnight, spaceman."

"Goodnight, my little bird."

I giggle a little as I feel myself begin to drift off to sleep, letting Xephos pull me close to him as the final embers flickered out in the fireplace. Xephos was still far from fully recuperated, that was for sure, but at least I could see him smiling again. As we both slipped off into pleasant dreams, I realized how much I really missed moments like this with him. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder, no matter what the distance.


End file.
